Thoughts on Christmas week

7:16 AM

I often write about the reasons why I despise seasons but there's one aspect I've come appreciate over the year and that is how as seasons change I feel life passing.

I know life always passes but growing up in a seasonless tropical "paradise" like Florida it's easy to not really notice the passage of time and years seem to stream together.

At the age of 20 while I was at university someone asked me how old I was and without a bit of doubt I blurted out 16 and didn't even correct myself. The only time I ever felt reflective on life while living in Florida was new years eve, my birthday, or at someone's Funeral and I found myself super emotional and panicky every time. like, I think I was supposed to grow out of crying when my fam would sing me happy birthday to me but I never really did I don't scream like I did as a child but my eyes still fill up with tears.

But I've noticed seasons slowly bring out all my repressed thoughts about life and death (could be why it's taken this long for me to even appreciate seasons) and forces me to deal with or at least acknowledge them.

I can now slowly deal with these feelings one at a time instead of going crazy on new years. Seasons are kind of therapeutic even if it means sometimes I'm crying or panicked on a walk or in the subway.

Is this why people like seasons? Did I finally figure it out!?

But backtracking on everything I just said, who else is excited about this wonderfully warm Christmas?

70 degrees in NYC!? A real Christmas miracle ❤️.

I hope you all have an amazing holiday weekend!

-bea