i am still sick. i have been sick since the week after thanksgiving.
i missed three weeks of work because of it!
i was finally getting better last week but it is back and angrier than before.
i have this deep horrible cough and my nose has decided it is now a leaky faucet.
at least my sore throat is gone. on christmas even swallowing my own spit was unbearably painful.
i slept ten hours last night and woke up at four pm today. my schedule has changed so much that i have seen the sun once in the past five days (having no true windows does not help).
but i am optimistic, going to make some diet changes (i think i am missing some major vitamins) and try to see the sun daily and see if it helps. hopefully i can be a little better by the new year.
i am very excited to feel healthy again. coughing fits everywhere i go is a bit embarrassing and frightening. i am always so afraid of getting a baby or an old person sick.

i guess this could be a new years resolution.. take care of myself and make sure i eat enough and enough healthy things, some days i only eat cookies and beer (i am a terrible adult). oh and add see the sun on a daily basis and call a family member every day. and not to get to standard on resolutions but exercise regularly and not use the uptown hills as an excuse to not get in some real exercise.

on a side note, i cut my own bangs last week.
i watched some youtube videos around this time last week (this time being 2:30 am) and could not think of a good reason not to try it.

hope you all have a happy new year, ill try to post some photos from new years eve. we haven't decided on anything specific yet, but as our first new years eve in the city, i hope it is fun with a little touch of adventure.

-bea

this is a new kind of christmas for me.
a christmas alone with my husband.
we might possibly see some friends on christmas day for dinner.
my husband works a double tomorrow at the bar and i will just help him out all day.
11 am to 4 am! >.<
it will be weird to not be surrounded by loved ones, or seeing the excitement in my nieces and nephews faces when they get to open their gifts, and getting to read the night before christmas to them.
i am definitely pretty emotional about it now that i am sitting home alone on pre christmas eve and not helping my mom cook.

i am taking a quick break from transcribing my friends music to write this post. i am really terrible at this. i almost failed ear training. i passed with a c, which in grad school is pretty much failing.
but this is good practice for next semester.

finished our christmas shopping today, last minute of course, and overnighted it back home in a big box.
i think the overnighting price was just about the same as the price for the gifts. but it is a lesson learned and am so glad they will have our gifts tomorrow. i am hoping for a live photo stream of christmas at my parents. but i am also interested to see christmas at the bar. will it just be people who don't celebrate christmas, or will there also be people sad who could not afford to go home, or even people who don't have a home to go to? either way i am going to try my best to make it a fun day at the bar and i will make this vegan coconut nog.


p.s i saw philip glass this week and i saw satomi from deerhoof play a set in her own group at the same show. it was quite amazing

my pathetic attempt at a glass picture.

wishing you all the most wonderful holiday

-bea

my train took fifteen minutes to come today. i stood in the cold on the above-ground stop near msm and watched the city.
i am really starting to love it here.
i watched the birds perform their unison motions of loops and sharp turns over the traffic.
after a few minutes they returned to the exact spot on the roof of the building where they started.
the marching band kid in me tried to identify the images in the formations and listen to how it went with the music of the city.
it was beautiful.
i don't know if it was the cold breeze that finally dried up my runny nose or the way the sun at four in the afternoon hits the buildings, but i felt so happy and free on that train stop.

i had two finals today.
i had been stressing myself out over sight singing and i didn't really do to well on the final.
i have been really hard on myself about it because i am a failure. i could have worked a little harder earlier on but i was initially so far behind my class and life in the city started really hard for me.
i should have talked to my adviser and had the class changed, but i was excited about my teacher and the challenge. i even had a tutor, who honestly didn't seem to remember me or care about me. but thats another topic.
my other final was fine, all of my other classes are fine.

the homeless man with the kind face drinking on the train kind of made all of my problems seem irrelevant, and made me feel like a spoiled child. it's hard when you are in school to not get caught up in yourself and inflate your problems. but i have it good. my family is supportive and loves me so much, my husband is amazing and goes above and beyond to make me happy and take care of me (as i try to do for him), we have a "nice" apartment in the city in what i feel is a special neighborhood with a fridge filled with food, and i fucking go to one of the top schools in the country and have an amazing teacher who is supportive even when i feel like i am at my worst. i have truly been a baby woman this fall.

i am in need of this break from school, for adventure, time with my husband, and good quality time with my oboe. i know what i need to do to improve and am excited for the time to do it. i also hope to do some charity work in the city, i feel like i cry at some point every day here. this place can be cruel as i am sure many places are, but it is more in your face here than back home.


p.s. have you heard the new beyoncé album? i am about to listen to it and i couldn't be more excited. especially after seeing this,















this tweet is perfection. i might be obsessed :).

-bea