7:46 PM

my train took fifteen minutes to come today. i stood in the cold on the above-ground stop near msm and watched the city.
i am really starting to love it here.
i watched the birds perform their unison motions of loops and sharp turns over the traffic.
after a few minutes they returned to the exact spot on the roof of the building where they started.
the marching band kid in me tried to identify the images in the formations and listen to how it went with the music of the city.
it was beautiful.
i don't know if it was the cold breeze that finally dried up my runny nose or the way the sun at four in the afternoon hits the buildings, but i felt so happy and free on that train stop.

i had two finals today.
i had been stressing myself out over sight singing and i didn't really do to well on the final.
i have been really hard on myself about it because i am a failure. i could have worked a little harder earlier on but i was initially so far behind my class and life in the city started really hard for me.
i should have talked to my adviser and had the class changed, but i was excited about my teacher and the challenge. i even had a tutor, who honestly didn't seem to remember me or care about me. but thats another topic.
my other final was fine, all of my other classes are fine.

the homeless man with the kind face drinking on the train kind of made all of my problems seem irrelevant, and made me feel like a spoiled child. it's hard when you are in school to not get caught up in yourself and inflate your problems. but i have it good. my family is supportive and loves me so much, my husband is amazing and goes above and beyond to make me happy and take care of me (as i try to do for him), we have a "nice" apartment in the city in what i feel is a special neighborhood with a fridge filled with food, and i fucking go to one of the top schools in the country and have an amazing teacher who is supportive even when i feel like i am at my worst. i have truly been a baby woman this fall.

i am in need of this break from school, for adventure, time with my husband, and good quality time with my oboe. i know what i need to do to improve and am excited for the time to do it. i also hope to do some charity work in the city, i feel like i cry at some point every day here. this place can be cruel as i am sure many places are, but it is more in your face here than back home.

p.s. have you heard the new beyoncé album? i am about to listen to it and i couldn't be more excited. especially after seeing this,

this tweet is perfection. i might be obsessed :).


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